NLG has a Hooker Pop at Funky Winker Beans

If any of this talk of getting under the bedcovers, kittens, and romantic songs had us sounding a little soft, NLG's latest journey to the darkest part of Vancouver would probably convince anyone otherwise. Accompanied by 75% crazy 25% sane Lord Vatarro and a couple of other cats, No Look Guns took their lives in their hands and took down a big swig of Hooker Pop at East Hasting's favourite venue, Funky Winker Beans. Hooker Pop was not actually some crude cocktail squeezed from the corner of Main and Hastings, but is in fact a fresh faced metal act that played music like it is supposed to be: with no rules. Demonstrating funk rhythms on bass and some solid shredding on the axe, these kids slowed up only enough to let the mosh catch their breath. Their skanky metal came out surprisingly clean considering there was a man passed out over an amp and a couple making out on the soundboard. Their smashing metal induced some wild scenes indeed, mostly courtesy of Lord Vatarro, including giving a female fan a punk-rock heave across the mosh and downing a full beer on stage after chipping in on the mike. As for Serge, he got whiplash from somewhere deep in the middle of the set and hasn't looked back since--he can't!

Unfortunately metal bands don't seem to know how to upload songs to their myspace

NLG honours cats

Being cat owners (though not by choice), it seems fitting that NLG should pay homage to our special little feline companions. Since spending time with our respective cats is not something we particularly enjoy, we figured a more pleasurable alternative would be to dedicate an entire segment to songs about cats (for songs by cats see Cat Stevens and the Meow Mix song).

First on the docket is “Alley Cats” off Hot Chip’s latest release, One Life Stand. This song apparently features vocals from Bubbles of Trailer Park Boys, though he is not credited on the album. Initially, one might be uplifted by this song, until hearing the lyrics about dying alone and killing things you love. However, in spite of the morbidity of the lyrics, it’s catchier than a bad case of fleas.
Hot Chip - Alley Cats

Next, we have “The Lovecats” by The Cure. Robert Smith and his big-haired, goth-pop bandmates bring Felus catus to the forefront with this 1983 feral tail of courtship. “The Lovecats” is a ferociously jazzy number, which features a bass-line so sharp it has Roy Horn shaking in his white leather boots.
The Cure - The Lovecats

Lastly, we give you Bob Dylan’s “Cat’s in the Well”, which could be about a cat but you’re never really sure with this guy.
Bob Dylan – Cat’s in the Well

NLG's Got You Covered

This edition of NLG’s Got You Covered, our first rodeo of putting up a set of cover songs, will follow one of our favourite themes—classic songs sung by women. To us, there is nothing better than to get under the covers with one of your favourite female voices, a list that should now include Inara George of the duo The Bird and the Bee. On March 23, she and bandmate Greg will release an album entirely full of covers of Hall & Oates classics. NLG was lucky enough to get our paws on its single “I Can’t Go For That”, a song so smooth it could coax a rabbit into a foxhole, and about as sensible as Simone de Beauvoir in a black-and-white fur coat. Of course, no discussion of sensibility would be complete without mention of Emily Haines of Metric, who does an irresistible acoustic version of Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice It's Alright”. After this sultry rendition we certainly wouldn’t be thinking twice. And finally, for you punky types, the quick and dirty “Heard It Through The Grapevine” by the 70’s punker chicks, The Slits.
The Bird and the Bee - I Can't Go For That (Hall & Oates cover)
Metric - Don't Think Twice It's Alright (Bob Dylan cover)
The Slits - Heard It Through The Grapevine (Marvin Gaye cover)

Humans after all

In an unbelievable continuance of events, the Post-Chromeo shenanigans delivered almost as much, if not more, sensory delights than the main event itself. Graciously invited to the official after party by a Mr. Ewan Forest (many thanks again), NLG found themselves in an makeshift art demo warehouse, surrounded by metal sculptures, aerodynamic haircuts, and a piece of bicycle powered artwork to match the spider vehicle parked outside. We were in 1960’s Paris, east Berlin, and a dive bar in Rio all at the same time. In fact, the Bowen Island Cream Ale cans were the only thing that reminded us we were still in Vancouver, and they were flowing like water thanks entirely to former track star D.H. Lawerence’s heroic half-marathon sprint—his second of the night—to the gas station cashback.

As if our appetites for musical confections were not perfectly sated by the Chromeo concert, the opening DJs at this venue endeavored to feed us an gourmet four-course meal, from Paul Simon's "You Can Call Me Al" to the musical equivalent of duck confit—“Naïve Melody”. Demonstrated by one female’s garish response to Gene’s controversial use for a plaid button-up shirt, this tune turned up the heat on the simmering hedonism of the crowd and had us sweating with anticipation for the main act.

Enter Humans. Although their name suggests civilization and development, the duo of Robbie and Peter played such explosive party music they had the crowd acting like Cro-Magnon cavemen. Seemingly armed with instruments that would have difficulty making noise in a library, and having delirious revelers literally draped over them while playing, the question of how these homo sapiens made so much noise that was so good still baffles us…though at the time it had us shooting no look ten-gun salutes to every human in sight. Peter’s beats were so slick and Robbie’s vocals so remarkably clean that for a second we thought we found a solution for oil spills. However, on this night, the only thing that was being spilled was the sheer exuberance from the Humans’ set—captured by such explosive NLG’s from the band after the show (see above) that we are still sneezing gunpowder.

NLG gets Chromeo'd

A journey to a most questionable part of Vancouver led NLG and friends to The Great Northern Way Campus, a structure that would attempt to house the explosive salaciousness of Chromeo. Having only two tickets between the four of us, and it being a sold out show, we weren’t sure how we were going to work the entrance. However, after a premature departure of one quarter of our crew, and the acquisition of an out of date ‘Olympic Performer’ badge, NLG’s D.H. Lawrence was able to “I don’t know” himself through the front door, joining Serge and Gene in what promised to be a most satisfying evening.

After a plethora of seemingly excessive wrist and hand stamps, we stumbled into what appeared to be an obscenely trendy art show, with little to no art and absolutely no ATM. Realizing we had enough cash for three beers between the three of us, and also realizing our dependence on liquor, we had to make a mad dash for the nearest gas station for a quick cash back… which turned into a half-marathon sprint through the industrial sector of Vancouver.

We returned just in time, as the trademark Wizard-of-Oz-esque chant of Chromeo-Oh-Oh emphatically announced the arrival of the Chromatic super duo, known individually as Dave 1 and P-Thugg. This hastily put an end to the art show atmosphere and transformed The Great Northern Way Campus into a thunderdome of unabashed elect-retro-funk that had the 1980’s wishing it were born 30 years later. Right from the get go, Dave 1’s guitar stylings were so sharp and so clean they could have performed a flawless appendectomy, while P-Thugg’s ruthless synth work and talk-box prodigiousness provided the perfect anesthetic. On top of that, Chromeo’s set was packed full of more sexual innuendoes than a Disney Movie, and had enough cowbell to satisfy Christopher Walken’s strongest urge. NLG couldn’t contain ourselves as we showed off our fancy footwork, 2-stepping and looking for bonafied lovin’ from needy girls of all sorts.

For some lucky fans, the price of admission entailed much more just an exhilarating electrastic dance party, as two lucky young ladies wound up wearing elements of P-Thugg’s patriotic athletic apparel, and countless other fans acquiring the numerous drum/cowbell sticks tossed to the audience… even NLG’s Serge is now the proud owner of one.

After all was said and done, and a tremendous time had by all, we spilled out into the deserted rail-yard that surrounded the venue. There we found a young lady (looking like she came straight off the set of Water World) driving a mechanical spider (really), who guided us smoothly to a scintillating afterparty. To be continued...

Here’s the most romantic song of the 21st century

Chromeo - 100%