The 2013 Jimmy Awards: Artist of the Year

By Gene Ral

A recent emphasis on getting back to the roots or essence of musicality is being reflected in modern bands' latest efforts. The result is stripped down "acoustic" indie rock which is still over produced and artistically flat. If Gene has to listen to one more poorly banjoed love ballad from an alliteratively titled "folk" band, it might just as well mark the end of his existence in the world of the hearing.

If one wants to listen to good music, listen to Beethoven, Townes Van Zandt, or Hall and Oates. As far as Gene is concerned, it's all been done before, and with the accessibility of music today, there's no reason new music need even be created. We have the entire history of music at our fingertips and anything that comes out now can be easily traced back to a work that was at it's time original, exciting, and novel. Until humans can be trained to hear sounds that weren't available to our hearing spectrum 30 years ago, there's not going to be anything "new". That's why new music needs to be taken gently out of the ears and thrust violently into the eyes.

There is, today, one bright shining star who knows that new music should be seen and not heard: a young woman who isn't afraid to stay true to her art, who knows that music and performance go hand in hand, who exudes confidence, embodies art, and oozes more sensuality than a tube of K-Y Jelly. Gene is writing, of course, about Destiny Hope, or as you know her, Miley Cyrus.

America's 21 year old sweetheart knows that her music isn't going to be any good, just as nothing else coming through the recording industry's mixing tables is going to be any good. That's why her music is secondary, if not tertiary (Gene would certainly rather smell her than listen to her), to her visual performance. When the video for "We Can't Stop" hit the airwaves in June, it only took one glimpse of Miley's distended cow tongue for Gene to be hooked. The writhing, the gratuitous crotch shots, the sopping wet pool wrestling were just icing on the cake. Then in September came the release of probably the greatest 3 minutes and 42 seconds in music history. Gene is referring, of course, to the music video for "Wrecking Ball". This one has it all: the tongue, the legs, the aerodynamic haircut, and enough underboob to have Gene tucking up into his belt like a tenth grader in science class. The plot is simple: a naked nubile cries, rides a wrecking ball as it destroys a cinderblock room, then performs fellatio on a sledge hammer. The wrecking ball is probably a metaphor for a destructive relationship, but who knows? Gene has never actually listened to the song.

For all she has done for music this year, Gene has no choice but to send Miley a huge no look gun and award her his endorsement for Artist of the Year.

Now, for your eyes only, here's the video for "Wrecking Ball":

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The 2013 Jimmy Awards: Album of the Year

By Serge Eon

At first listen to The National’s Trouble Will Find Me, one might mistake the offering as a sign that lead singer Matt Berninger had stayed down a vodka-soaked rabbit hole a little too long. Like Serge on a Monday morning, it was dark, boozy, and breath tinged with Belmonts and regret. Although this is exactly what we have come to expect from The National, this time we thought they might have gone a little too far – resembling Serge’s mood on what Gene empathetically refers to as Suicide Tuesdays. Forgive us, Berninger & Co., if we were a little reluctant to follow you into the rabbit hole at first listen. The rest of the world was getting high on the fidelity of the album that “gave life back to music” (courtesy of Pharrell Williams and a couple of helmutted Frenchmen) and we were distracted. 

When we woke up from that inevitable hi-fi hangover underneath the proverbial tree, it wasn’t a helping hand that Trouble Will Find Me held out to us, it was a tall glass of dark humour poured over elegant and rich musical constructions. It was like a Gin Pahit on ice and we drank until we felt warm on the inside. But it wasn’t the booze that made us feel warm, it was summertime and the fact that this album was so grand in scale yet so completely relatable. Somehow, Trouble Will Find Me became the perfect accompaniment to a perfect summer. Songs such as "Don’t Swallow The Cap" and "Demons" became soundtracks for public indecency and joy rides to the local nudie beach with a young Minnie Driver – rather than theme music for sitting alone with Tylenol and beer or trips to the methadone clinic, as their names might suggest. With these songs and others such as the dance party darkhorse "Graceless" forming the plotline of Serge’s summer, and the thrilling crescendo of a rain drenched late-September performance at the PNE delivering a fitting finale, the selection of Trouble Will Find Me as Album of the Year was an easy one to make.   

1.  The National – Trouble Will Find Me 

2.  Arcade Fire – Reflektor

3.    Daft Punk – Random Access Memories

4.     Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Push the Sky Away

5.     Haim – Days Are Gone

6.     Sigur Ros – Kveikur

7.     Foxygen – We Are The 21^st Century Ambassadors of Peace and Magic

8.    Kurt Vile – Waking on a Pretty Daze

9.     The Strokes – Comedown Machine

10.   Phosphorescent - Muchacho

The National - Don't Swallow the Cap